I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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