I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
