And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
