I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Are we in a gay sports bar?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
