Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize