God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
