Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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