my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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