There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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