You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
