Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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