Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
