Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
