went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
