So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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