we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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