kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In America we eat man semen.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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