so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
