take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
