if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
