Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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