Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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