Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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