seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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