My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
