It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
