so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
