the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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