i was born a porn star she said
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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