He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
