if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
