I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
