my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
