when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
