it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
