I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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