Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
