come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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