Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He passed out mid-signature
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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