1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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