we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
