Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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