You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
