Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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