His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
