Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
