The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
