I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
