I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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