just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
