Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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