im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
