Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
