My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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