i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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