dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
