So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
