saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Life is so much better after having sex.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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