she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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