woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
