I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
