I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
