My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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