If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
