just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
