can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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