I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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