I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
