oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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