I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
