Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
