I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
