I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a beard to bite.
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