i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
