Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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