singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
