I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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