I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
