you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I looked at my own cervix.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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