This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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