I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My feet surprised me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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