Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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