I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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