I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
