the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There r osticjed everywhere
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
