Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
