and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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