What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
