If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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